"You might be a cunning linguist, but I'm a master debater." ~ Austin Powers, Goldmember

We are about to embark on a very sensitive subject. It is a subject that many men (and women to be fair) are quite shy about discussing. This subject matter arose as I was chatting with a good friend. The question presented was "Do you think that if just about any subject matter can be researched online for free, men have figured out how to...you know...finally?" The question produced a looks of confusion and so we gathered around a computer and began searching. First decision: google the dirty lingo or keep it classy. Determined to believe that men truly cared about their female counterparts, I kept it classy.

I was presented with extensive and lengthy step by step instructions, diagrams of the female anatomy, and many encouraging do's and don'ts. Do take your time and relax. Don't mistake her urethra opening for her pleasure zone. Do take time to appreciate her opening up to you. Don't jump into the little boat right away, swim around it awhile. If she arches her back...keep going. If she whispers in your ear  and pulls at your head to "come up here with me" you are probably not doing it right and you should cease immediately.

He sure is enjoying himself...think she's feeling the same way?

Lots of good instructions, but it left me wondering...is this information overload helping or just making the poor babies more nervous about the whole thing?  The answer: probably. Is this talent even important to women?




Yes. Yes it is. Let me clarify.

If you are the kind of man who wishes to receive oral gifts of his own, then yes. You must reciprocate. Otherwise, we make fun of you behind your back and talk about your inadequacies and spend more of your money. I'm not saying this to be mean. Consider it a form of natural selection. If you are a man who does not like to receive any mouth to mouth resuscitation after a long suffocating day at the office, then you don't love yourself, and thus we can't possibly be expected to love someone who doesn't even love themselves.

Women like to be appreciated, accepted and loved. If you can spend time with our most intimate parts, learn our subtleties, and come in second, loyalty and dedication will follow. And we like to reward those that reward us. (There are exceptions to this rule of course. And you can feel free to blame their mothers who raised them to be puritans. Such a waste).  If you are interested in learning a bit about how to up your game and the internet is a bit overwhelming, try reading this:

It is a straightforward guide on how to get her "there".  It's very good for men who are wish to improve and women who haven't figured themselves out.  If this all seems just too complicated, move onto plan "b". Hand over your AMEX so she can buy more curtains and update the kitchen while you download porn.

I shop excessively, because my boyfriend doesn't know how to keep me happy.